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One Sentence Summary: The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective People teaches you both personal and professional effectiveness by changing your view of how the world works and giving you 7 habits, which, if adopted well, will lead you to immense success. This book has sold over 25 million copies. If Stephen R. Covey had any clue about what a success The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People would be when he published it in 1990, but, even several years after his death, it’s still the bible of leadership and modern management. The original seven habits are: 1. Be Proactive 2. Begin with the End in Mind 3. Put First Things First 4. Think Win-Win 5. Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood 6. Synergize 7. Sharpen the Saw The first three serve your own independence, so that you may “win in private,” as Covey put it. The second three aim to shift your focus to interdependence. When you strive for cooperation instead of competition, you’ll also “win in public” and find worldly success. The last habit serves your own renewal so that you’ll never burn out or overextend yourself. Let’s look at the following 3 in more detail: 1. Do the funeral test. 2. Learn how to say no. 3. Practice active listening. Time to learn how to become highly effective both at work and in life! Lesson 1: Do the funeral test. This is the habit that Covey calls “Begin with the End in Mind”. He issues a warning that plowing away and getting a massive amount of tasks done in a preferably short time (i.e. being efficient) is only useful when you’re plowing in the right direction. The classic analogy here is the ladder you’re climbing furiously, only to find out it’s leaned against the wrong wall when reaching the top. Only if you’re clear about your major, long- term goals can you align each and every single one of your decisions with them. The best way, by far, to get clear about those goals is to do the funeral test. Ask yourself: 1. What do I want people to say about me at my funeral? 2. As what sort of person do I want to be remembered? 3. For what do I want to be remembered? Depending on your number of relationships (family, friends, clients, partners, customers), you can also ask yourself how many people will be there to mourn your death. As Steve Jobs said: “All external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure–these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important.” Truthfully answering those questions will make you realize you might not want that out-of- the-suitcase, business class lifestyle, or that really all you ever wanted to do was dance . So be bold and ask them. Lesson 2: Learn how to say no. Knowing exactly where you want to go makes it easy to find out what’s important to you, and what not. When you know your final goal, you’ll at least have an inclination for each to-do on how important it actually is. You’ll often find that the important things aren’t urgent and vice versa . That means some things don’t deserve to be done at all. To all those things, you’ll eventually have to say no. It’s not easy, especially if money’s involved. But, as Covey says: “Put First Things First.” Sometimes, tempting rewards will be dangled right in front of you, which is when it’s time to pull out the funeral test again to see whether those rewards deserve to be chased. Derek Sivers in this regard, who says it’s either a hell yeah, or a no . He’s incredibly focused on a few things , but those things create all the meaning he needs in his life. Lesson 3: Practice active listening. The good thing about saying no to doing a lot of things is being able to spend a lot more time actually listening to others. 1. You’re listening to understand the person you’re listening to, not primarily to give advice or respond. 2. You make sure you understand by repeating back to them what they said and mirroring their emotions. 3. You help them structure their own thought process. This was one of the Covey calls this “Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood.” It is a call to practice active listening and empathy. Just like you get suspicious of your doctor when he prescribes you hefty antibiotics after hearing you cough just once, we don’t tend to trust people, who we think don’t really understand us. Make an effort to listen to understand, instead of listening to respond. A good way to start this practice is by simply talking less . The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People is an absolute classic. It’s not a step-by-step how-to book, however. The lessons will take you a while to implement since they are general principles. But that also means they’re timeless and have a powerful impact once you manage to do so.
For Book DetailThe Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F*ck One Sentence-Summary: The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F*ck does away with the positive psychology craze to instead give you a Stoic life that might not always be happy, but meaningful and centered only around what’s important to you. Favorite quote from the author: “Who you are is defined by what you’re willing to struggle for.” The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F*ck , Mark Manson’s first “proper” book, this instant New York Times bestseller is a no BS self-help book for people who usually hate self-help. Mark Manson gets that life has become overwhelming and the only way to find our center around the things that really matter to us is to not give a f*ck about anything else. Here are 3 favorite lessons: 1. Values you can’t control are bad values to follow. 2. Don’t believe you know anything with certainty, for it keeps you from improving. 3. Trying to leave a legacy might ruin your life. The trick of not giving a fuck about most things is that you’ll be able to give one about what really matters to you. The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F*ck Summary Lesson 1: Only hold values you control. Mark is a very Stoic guy and it shines through his writing and advice. A common idea in Stoicism is to focus only on the things you can control . This is easy enough to understand and implement when it comes to your actions, but it can be applied to more intangible aspects of your life as well. Take your values, for example. I know it’s hard to put them into words, but if you try to describe yourself in, say, three adjectives, you already have a good idea of which values most dictate your life. Let’s say you chose the words honest, punctual and popular. Here’s where Mark makes an interesting remark: Only choose to have values you can control. Most of us give up some of our ideals as we grow up, try to have a career and make money. While that’s just part of real life, it’s important you don’t hand off the steering wheel altogether. Values you don’t control are bad, because they’ll be a constant source of unnecessary suffering in your life. When we look at the three we just mentioned, honesty is 100% in your control. Only you know how honest you are, but no one else needs to. Punctuality is partially in your control. If you always leave with plenty of buffer time, you can compensate for most potential obstacles. Popularity, however, is totally out of your grasp. Sure, you can be nice and friendly to everyone, but you can’t control other peoples’ opinions. Some will always hate you, no matter what you do . Therefore, popularity isn’t the best value to focus on and you could try replacing it with one more controllable, such as kindness. Lesson 2: Certainty hampers growth. What a great principle distilled into just three words: certainty hampers growth. Imagine you could choose between two modes of moving through the world: one in which you think everything you know is 100% true and one in which you think nothing you know is 100% true. Both are stressful, but which one do you think would help you make better decisions? The latter, of course. While there’s some middle ground to be found here, rejecting the idea that you know anything for sure is a great base to start learning from. This is true for discovering factual knowledge , such as using the scientific method to build business hypotheses helps arrive at better conclusions, but it is also true for gaining conceptual knowledge . The second kind is more implicit knowledge about the relationships between various entities. Let’s take your place in the social hierarchy at school, for example. If you’re convinced you’re ugly, you’ll be sad a lot. But if you notice that you get lots of compliments at school, people call you charming and some have a crush on you, that’s evidence your brain is playing you with false certainty. If you allow yourself to have a little doubt, you can then disprove this limiting belief you hold about yourself. Lesson 3: Don’t obsess about leaving a legacy. Here’s an uncomfortable, but important reminder: You’re going to die one day. We all are. Whether we admit it or not, when the time comes closer, we’re all scared. That’s why many of us want to leave a legacy , myself included. However, Mark says that might ruin our short amount of precious time here on earth. The more we’re driven to build a great body of work, the more start chasing fame, working too much and focusing on the future. What if instead, we just tried to be useful in the present? We could still help a ton of people, enjoy our days and fully be here, while we’re here. Mark’s stance is clear: Find ways to bring yourself, your loved ones and the people you meet joy in the now and let the legacy part take care of itself.
For Book DetailDavid D. Burns, M.D., is a clinical psychiatrist. His bestselling Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy has sold more than three million copies to date. Dr. Burns has become a popular lecturer for general audiences and mental health professionals. Plus, a frequent guest on national radio and television programs. Feeling Good -Summary How Depression Occurs In the United States, 5.3% of the population has depression. The lifetime risk of depression is 7-8% in adults and higher for women. Forty years ago, the mean age for the onset of depression was 29.5. Today, it has halved to 14.5 years. This reduction in age can be attributed to more significant mental health awareness and social media’s impact on the younger generation. Though rates differ around the developed world, the incidence of depressive illness has risen dramatically since 1900. Prior to the 1980s, depression had been the cancer of the psychological world. Depression was widespread but difficult to treat. Additionally, the taboos associated with it made the problem worse for most people. Many of these same problems still persist today. As with cancer, finding a ‘cure’ has been the holy grail of depression. Everything from Freudian psychoanalysis to shock treatment has been applied to the problem. Although some of these treatments have had initially promising results, the improvements have not been substantial and are unsustainable. Subsequently, anti-depressants and other medications have been introduced. Although these medications have changed some people’s lives, the problem of depression is still more impactful today than in the past. Dr. Burns provides an outline of how depression occurs: 1. An event takes place in the outside world that has the potential to be experienced by you. 2. You interpret the event through a series of thoughts. These thoughts are called your internal dialogue and impact on how you process the event. 3. Your feelings are created by your thoughts and not the actual event. In other words, the way you think in any situation will determine how you will feel about it. Seeing Through Black Magic In the history of psychiatry, depression has always been seen as an emotional disorder. As a result, most therapy has aimed to help patients get in touch with their feelings. Subsequently, most therapists have believed that maturity means opening up and expressing what’s inside. This is an assumption based on the view that one’s feelings “…represent a higher reality, a personal integrity, a truth beyond question.” Despite these assumptions, there is a wealth of evidence suggesting depression is not an emotional disorder. This point is supported by one of the most effective depressive treatments, cognitive therapy, not focusing on emotions. Instead, cognitive therapy identifies cognition, or our thoughts, as the cause of depression. The bad feelings associated with depression all stem from negative thoughts. Therefore, treatment must focus on challenging and changing those thoughts. Burns includes a list of ten ‘cognitive distortions,’ such as all-or-nothing thinking, overgeneralization, disqualifying the positive, jumping to conclusions, and giving ourselves labels. By understanding these distortions, we can better understand the idea that ‘feelings aren’t facts.’ Instead, feelings are only the reflections of our thoughts. Cognitive Distortions After introducing readers to the importance of cognition, David Burns outlines the underlying factors. When you interpret an event as negative, you are engaging with cognitive distortions. Burns describes these interpretations as cognitive distortions as you are creating distorted thoughts that lead to unpleasant emotions. Occasionally, events are genuinely unpleasant and need to be interpreted accordingly. However, we still have to remain realistic about these interpretations. For people who suffer from mild levels of depression, those cognitive distortions become habituated. Subsequently, these individuals start perceiving everything in black and white. The following sections will cover the most common cognitive distortions identified by David Burns All-or-Nothing Thinking Let’s say that you want to learn stand-up comedy. You took some classes. Then, after a month, you decided to give it a shot and go live. You go on stage and start cracking the lamest jokes because you are nervous, and it is your first time. The audience gets bored and leaves. As a result, you start to think that you never have a chance to become a comedian. In fact, you might even think that you are never going to be good at doing anything. This kind of cognitive distortion is called “All-or-Nothing Thinking.” In essence, you are holding a belief that you will either be good at this skill now or I never will be. This type of cognitive distortion is conveying an exaggeration of a negative event. The event itself is negative, but instead of perceiving it as a passing experience, you hold on to the negative associations. Mental Filtering This leads us to the second cognitive distortion, which is called Mental Filtering. Mental filtering involves taking one negative experience from any situation and dwelling on it for an extended period of time. No matter how much time you put into making valuable content, there will be that one guy or girl who will leave a negative comment. They will filter all the value and just leave a comment about the wrong punctuation in one paragraph. People who perceive reality from a mental filter will always find something negative. Therefore, no matter how hard you try to convince them that the event is actually positive, you will fail. Subsequently, David Burns recommends never dwelling on the past as you no longer have control over those decisions. Similarly, do not dwell on others’ opinions as people will always find the negatives in any situation. Plus, you have no control over others’ opinions and decisions. Jumping to Conclusions Imagine that you get hit by a car, so you’re on your way to the hospital. The doctors tell you that you just got dizzy, and you’ll be ready to go home in three hours. However, you keep thinking to yourself: “Oh my god, what if I got brain damage? And if my brain is damaged will my girlfriend still want to go out with me?” This type of cognitive distortion is called Jumping to Conclusions. This distortion involves exaggerating your expectations and projecting to unrealistic conclusions. Specifically, this form of cognitive distortion generally involves making a negative interpretation. This interpretation is made even though no clear facts are supporting your conclusion. Jumping to conclusions can be further broken down into two types: a. Mind reading: You arbitrarily conclude that someone is reacting negatively to you, and you don’t bother to check this out. b. The Fortune Teller Error: You anticipate that things will turn out badly, and you feel convinced that your prediction is an already-established fact. Since the process of emotion formation happens in a fraction of a second, we have little to no control over it. However, even if those thoughts get distorted, and you fall into a depression, you still have a chance to re-construct them after their occurrence. You have the opportunity to re-frame those distorted thoughts. Subsequently, you also have the opportunity to change your mood. It is scary how one thought can have the power to change someone’s life for the better or the worst. Magnification and Minimization “Perfection’ is man’s ultimate illusion. It simply doesn’t exist in the universe… If you are a perfectionist, you are guaranteed to be a loser in whatever you do.” When you magnify, you look at your errors, fears, or imperfections and exaggerate their importance. This has also been called catastrophizing because you turn commonplace negative events into nightmarish monsters. In comparison, when you minimize, you inappropriately shrink things until they appear tiny. Common examples are your own desirable qualities or others’ imperfections. This is also called the “binocular trick.”
For Book DetailThe 48 Laws Of Power One Sentence-Summary: The 48 Laws Of Power draws on many of history’s most famous power quarrels to show you what power looks like, how you can get it, what to do to defend yourself against the power of others and, most importantly, how to use it well and keep it. Favorite quote from the author: “Powerfull people impress and intimidate by saying less. The more you say, the more likely you are to say something foolish.” Even though Mastery is a great book, it’s not the one that put Robert Greene on the map. The 48 Laws Of Power was. Published in 1998 after taking a big risk, due to quitting his former job, which he hated, the book became a bestseller and has now sold over a million copies. It’s especially popular with rappers and hip-hop artists, but many celebrities quote from the book and mention the laws’ influence on their life. 50 Cent is just one of them, with whom Greene ended up collaborating on another book. Most of the 48 laws draw on a specific situation from history, and even though some of them seem to contradict one another, there’s a precious lesson to be learned from every single one. Here are 3 lessons about power to help you understand it better: 1. Always make superiors look smarter than you. 2. Confuse competitors by acting unpredictably. 3. Don’t force others to do what you want, seduce them instead. Lesson 1: Always make superiors look smarter than you. Here’s one surefire way how to not get promoted: When your boss comes across a problem she can’t solve on her computer, go to her, and, as you fix it, say: “Seeeeee? That’s how you do it. No problem, I’m happy to help!” The one thing people in a position of power don’t want is to look powerless . But when you flaunt your skills right in front of them, that’s exactly what happens. The French minister of finance under King Louis XIV, Nicolas Fouquet, paid for that lesson with a life in prison. When he threw an excessive party at his chateau in favor of the king, the king accused him of stealing, for no one man could legally be that wealthy, and threw him into prison. So instead of showing off how good you are, make your boss look like she’s the smartest person in the room, even if you know she isn’t. Give away credit and you’ll be given responsibility in return. For example, when Galileo Galilei discovered the four moons of Jupiter, he could’ve taken all that credit. Instead, he named them after the Grand Duke, Cosimo II de’ Medici, and his brothers. As a result Cosimo appointed him as his official philosopher and mathematician, securing Galileo’s funding for his research for years to come. Lesson 2: Make errors on purpose to confuse your competition. Sometimes the competition seems to always be one step ahead of you. That’s likely because they’ve invested time and energy into researching you and finding out your behavior patterns. When that happens, your best move is to act unpredictably. Do the opposite of what you think people expect, make a mistake on purpose, or just disappear for a while. Erroneous behavior throws people off their analysis game, and while they’re busy trying to figure out your new pattern and explaining your behavior, you have the chance to strike back. This is one of the first lessons good poker players learn. If you only play hands when you’ve hit at least a pair or above, the other players will quickly be on to you and fold every time you bet. But throw in a bluff or two, which you commit to and ride out, even if you end up losing those hands, and your opponents can’t be so sure anymore. Bobby Fischer used this exact strategy to confuse Boris Spassky in their match for the 1972 world championship title in chess. He made a beginner’s mistake in their first game, didn’t even show up for the second one (and lose by forfeit, and returned only minutes before the third game started. Then he started making crazy demands, like moving cameras, switching rooms and exchanging chairs. Finally, he played openings completely atypical to his usual chess style, and eventually beat Spassky to become world champion. Lesson 3: Seduce others into voluntarily doing what you want them to, instead of forcing them. Even when you’re in a position of power already, people won’t always do what you want them to. When that’s the case, you should never resort to trying to force people to obey. Instead, make it impossible for them not to do what you’d like them to by seducing them. Chuko Liang, head military strategist of ancient China used this to break his enemy, King Menghuo. Rather than destroying their entire army, when they attacked China, he captured them all, and then …served King Menghuo great wine and food. His soldiers saw this generosity, and after Liang was sure he had baffled them, he released them but kept King Menghuo hostage. Only after threatening that he’d have to bow to the Chinese king if he was captured again, did he release the enemy. Over the years, Liang did capture Menghuo time and time again, each time making the same threat, yet always releasing his prisoner. After the seventh time, Menghuo surrendered, bowed to the king and gave up on his own accord. Raw force only breeds resentment, so use seduction instead.
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