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If she is a monster then what am I? The haunting Sunday Times Top 10 Bestseller. ’I think she pushed him,’ I said to you quietly. ’I think she pushed him . . .’ The arrival of baby Violet was meant to be the happiest day of my life. But as soon as I held her in my arms I knew something wasn’t right. I had always known that the women in my family aren’t meant to be mothers. My husband Fox says I’m imagining it. He tells me I’m nothing like my own mother, and that Violet is the sweetest child. But something feels very wrong. Is it her? Or is it me? Is she the monster? Or am I?